Nothing Personal
In the divisiveness that is our culture, one thing I notice is the way debates go. There is a difference of opinion, we know that from the get-go. But as the debate rambles on, the issue disappears, and the two begin to insult one another. In the world of logic, that fallacy is called argumentum ad hominem abusive. The exchange of points and ideas goes away and it becomes little more than ridicule. It can turn violent as the tone of voice grows harsh and louder. So let me suggest something entirely radical. Could we focus on the truth itself, adding nothing personal?
A lot of times the debate is not aimed at the person who disagrees with us, but shared with others, usually those who are like minded with us. It usually goes beyond the issue itself, and just gets aimed at the person, even to mundane things like the clothes they wear. Calling someone ugly or stupid is not a substantive argument against their position or life view. The cultural debates become culture wars when it descends to that.
For a follower of Jesus Christ, we form our belief systems on the Bible, the word of God. Jesus said, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth and the truth will make you free” (John 8:31,32). For me, if the Bible is clear on something, then the issue is settled for me.
But there are many things that the Bible does not address or allows freedom on. Paul wrote in Romans 14:22, “The faith you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves”. The entire chapter 14 of Romans addresses the issue of, when the Bible is not clear on something, how we treat each other when someone else thinks differently than we do. But we start with the thought that I will be confident in my own convictions.
It would NOT be consistent with the Bible to get nasty, critical, or verbally abusive to someone who has a different biblical conviction, or with those who do not hold regard for the Bible at all. And the trouble is, we all live in the same nation, and the policies we make and support affect all of us. So there comes a time to speak up and the Bible says how it is to be done. “Speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Colossians 4:6).
Some would say simply not to say anything. Sometimes that is a good thing, “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is considered prudent” (Proverbs 17:28). We need to choose carefully. But sometimes it is time to speak up and tell the truth, it needs to be said. But could we stick to the issue itself, and not engage in personal attacks or insults? Could both parties agree to stick with the issue, and know that at the end of the day, we can and should show each other respect as fellow human beings? I have a number of people in my life that I truly like, that have no overlap whatsoever with my worldview. What I really like is when I can have a discussion of a stuck point and not come away from it feeling bad. It all goes with showing each other positive regard, even if we don’t have that same regard for their viewpoint. It CAN be done.
I realize what I am suggesting needs to be agreed to by both sides of the argument and I would have to say most of our culture won’t do that, that is why we are so divided. What do I do when I decide to take the high road, and the other person will not? A couple of things come to mind. Perhaps we need to agree that we disagree and acknowledge that it is okay. If we have a long-term relationship, maybe it’s better to stay off certain topics. But if we have to work together and work something out, could we agree we will only go with facts, and allow nothing personal?
If we get a beatdown, Peter wrote, “Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right” (1 Peter 4:19). I am going to be okay, it hurt, they are not going to see it, but I will show them love, still hold to what I know to be true, and keep doing what is right in my life, even if I cannot convince them. We cannot allow bitterness over someone making it personal minimize what you hold to be true. Nor can we make it personal with them.
